I Can Always Panic Next Week

Where am I? Upsidedownsylvania? The Jets, Dolphins and Bills are tied for first and the Patriots are all alone in the basement of the AFC East?

And what’s that smell? That is like noisome times rank. Oh! That was the Patriots second half performance down in Miami. Oh. Well, open a window!

Sure, it would be easy to panic but I’m not going there. Not yet, anyway.

Top 10 Reasons I’m not Panicking about the Patriots

 1) Tom Brady is pissed. This is probably the only reason I need. And he’s shaved his beard. It’s a bold move. He’ll have to shave his head if they lose next Sunday.

 2) Vince Wilfork is pissed. Don’t eat that anger big fella. Save it for Sunday.

 3) Darrelle Revis is getting punked by trolls on social media and it won’t stop till he puts Cordarrelle Patterson on the island. Not that Revis cares about the trolls in the Google Machine. He does care that he gave up a TD to Mike Wallace. 

 4) Bill Belichick is wicked pissed. That is his angry face, isn’t it?

 5) The Patriots don’t lose back-to-back games. Okay, it happens but it doesn’t happen often. If my math is correct, New England is 30-4-0 following a loss since Week 1 of 2003 (I didn’t give credit for a win after back-to-back losses). The Patriots have not lost 3 games in a row over that same timespan.

 6) Rob Gronkowski did not get injured.

 7) Stevan Ridley didn’t fumble.

 8) This is rock bottom, isn’t it? It feels like rock bottom. Only direction? Up.

 9) The last time the Patriots lost their season-opener it was on the road, against an AFC East opponent, following a controversial roster move. That was 2003. They went on to win the first of back-to-back Super Bowls that season.

10) I could be a Cowboys’ fan.