Taking a Ride on the Flying Spoon

Well, Rob Gronkowski and Bill Belichick appear to be in mid-season form already.

In case you forgot, Rob Gronkowski is just a little kid trapped in a fairy tale giant’s body. He’s a Labrador retriever puppy peeing on the rug because he’s so happy you’re home then wagging his tail hopefully that whatever pain is contorting our face and making you cry out will soon pass. If you’re feeling down he will lick your face until all of your sadness is gone. You don’t kick him because it wouldn’t be like kicking a puppy, it would be actually kicking a puppy. You forgive him, even though you know he’s probably going to pee on that rug again. As bad behaviors go, you count yourself lucky because it isn’t like he’s eaten the neighbor’s cat. So far.

On Monday, The Big Gronkowski pronounced himself full go for the week 1 matchup with the Miami Dolphins. “I’m playing,” Gronk vowed to the microphones surrounding his locker.

Pigskin pundits and bobbleheads immediately rushed to their particular media channels to question this break with the New England Patriot’s Media Relations Guidelines, which are simple enough. In fact, there’s only one guideline: Do not have relations with the media in either the Biblical or non-Biblical sense.

By Tuesday, Bill Belichick reminded everyone there’s lots of ins and outs here.

“I’m glad that Rob is optimistic about his situation. We will go through a week of practice, look at everything and everybody and see where everybody is and try to do what’s best for the team. Will all due respect to Rob that he feels the way he does, but in the end we will have to make the decision that we feel is best for the team.”

And by “we” Belichick means “I” of course.

Look, not everybody can be the wordsmith Tom Brady is. This was just Gronk being Gronk. And Bill being Bill.

And you didn’t even like that rug, did you?

Somehow, it never really pulled the room together.