Why the Hate, Bro?

Regardless of what anyone says, we all want to be loved. Liked at the very least. Regardless of what people will admit, it hurts when you’re not liked. It’s boot to the balls painful when you’re hated. Even as you’re curled up in the fetal position, hands between your legs, it doesn’t make sense. What did you do to deserve this? A fair question unless your name is Adolf Hitler.

 

So, it’s that time of the year when pigskin pundits and bobbleheads need to make some shit up. Even the briefest of Vines featuring Johnny Manziel or Rob Gronkowski has already gone viral with a crowd-sourced opinion and left for dead by the time it hits your inbox. So, no surprise that Fox Sports would post power rankings for NFL teams based on likeability. In what should’ve come as no surprise to Patriots Nation, New England finished last. And yet, it prompted chatter on local outlets as we asked ourselves, “Why the hate, bro?”

The usual suspects were mentioned in the Fox Sport post. Cheaters. (So 2007.) Bill Belichick is a jerk. (You asked a stupid question; what do you expect?) Tom Brady is Jay Gatsby. (But you wouldn’t say no if you were invited to party with Tom and his posse of pro bowlers and the cast of the Entourage movie.) We’ve heard it all before and yet we can feel the blood rushing to our face as we read it again. (Your words are hurtful, Brian!) It generated a couple of days of discussion on local media outlets despite the “been there/done that” vibe. Why the hate, bro? Everybody hates winners seemed to be the consensus; a passively aggressive smugness that justifies the disdain of internet trolls for New England sports’ fans if not the teams they follow.

Why the hate, bro?

The Patriots are less likeable than teams quarterbacked by Jay Cutler and Philip Rivers; less likeable than pigskin train wrecks like Oakland and Jacksonville; less likeable than the Dallas Cowboys, a team famous for going 8-8-0 and still insisting that they are America’s Team.

The Patriots are less likeable than a franchise using a racial slur as its name.

Oh right.

Forgot.

Fox Sports.

Perhaps more offensive – to Patriots’ fans – is seeing the New York Jets as the sixth most likeable team in the NFL.

Sixth most likeable? WTF? Suddenly talking big and coming up small is what America stands for? Maybe you guys should go out and hire a QB half of America still hates because he tortured and killed dogs! Oh, you already did that? How about you pay your female employees like undocumented workers? Oh, yeah. That’s pretty much the same for all NFL franchises.

Wait a minute…

I almost forgot. Hate is a quantum state that is relative to the reference frame of the observer, just like everything else.

The citizens of Patriots Nation hate the Jets. Type “I hate the Jets” into the Google Machine and you’re prompted to choose “I hate the Jest song” (there’s a song!), “I hate the Jets t shirts” (of course He does) and “I hate the Jets Tom Brady.” Even the impossibly cool Tom Terrific couldn’t help himself when it comes to the Jets!

We hates them, precious!

Yes we do.

We don’t apologize for it. We don’t even care to justify it. We can’t articulate the reasons and it feels too good to stop and ask ourselves why.

Maybe it’s just a human thing. You can’t really define “us” without “them” whether you’re competing for water, mineral rights, undocumented claims on the Sudetenland, those three good-looking women at the bar or Lombardi Trophies. Haters gonna hate and we’re all haters.

All that matters is the reference frame of the observer.

I love this song and I don’t care if you hate it...