Tragedy and Farce

We saw “Argo” last Saturday. It was terrific. You should definitely go see it. What does “Argo” have to do with football? Well, it’s about teamwork, in game adjustments. It’s about stepping up when all looks lost. And Ben Affleck was like the Tom Brady of that movie. Omaha! Hut-hut!

It’s always good to win. 45-7 is like a win with hot fudge, whipped cream and jimmies (I don’t like nuts on my sundae but it’s cool if you do). Winning without Mankins and Hernandez and Chung and Gregory and everyone else that was hurt is a gift from the Pigskin Gods. 5-3-0. First place in the AFC East, heading into the bye week following their best all-around game of the season, the Patriots can only look to their fans and ask them…

How you like me now?

It turns out we like 45-7 wins. We really, really like them.

Good times…

The Jets were hideous in losing 30-9 at home to division rival Dolphins, a game preceded and followed by desultory smack talk and the expected in-game chippiness as Rocket Surgeon Antonio Cromartie laid some gratuitous head-butt action on Reggie “Hot Sauce” Bush. Rex Ryan and the Jets are in “didn’t see that one coming” level denial but the bottom line here is that Mark Sanchez is historically bad and the Jets coaches apparently have Timnesia; they’ve forgotten why they traded for Tim Tebow and seem mystified by his presence on the roster. Okay, losing their best player on offense (Santonio Holmes) and their best player on defense (Darrelle Revis) hasn’t helped, nor has their shaky offensive line. All of that being said, it just seems like the stage is too big for Sanchez, doesn’t it?

That has never been a problem for Tim Tebow.

Yeah. I still fear Tebow.

Week 8 was a panoply of pigskin tragedy and farce.

Somehow the Carolina Panthers managed to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory, turning a 19-7 lead into a 23-22 loss to the Bears and The Most Interesting QB in the World, Jay Cutler. This was followed by yet another awkward post-game presser with Cam Newton. Newton’s inner child is clearly confused, hurt and lacking in self-confidence.

Cam Newton and a horse walk into a bar. The bartender, a man of considerable girth, says, “Why the long face?” and the horse says, “Wow, that’s funny. I’ve never heard that one before. By the way, when’s the last time you saw your dick? 1997? You know how fat your momma is? She’s so fat she blots out you! Any you, you should definitely do something about your diet but I wouldn’t be caught in public eating an apple, someone might stick a fork in you!” The bartender says, “Whoa, whoa, easy there Pony Boy, I was talking to Cam Newton!”

[Insert rim shot here.]

The Chargers are like those movies that are so bad they’re funny. In a game only the Chargers of Norv Turner and Philip Rivers could make possible, San Diego lost to the lowly Cleveland Browns 7-6. Yes, I laughed out loud when I saw that final score. Seriously, this just writes itself, doesn’t it? This is the game all Chargers fans new was coming the day GM A.J. Smith decided to bring back Norv Turner for one more season.

[Cue the lamentation of the women.]

Objects in the rear view may be closer than they appear, unless they’re the Philadelphia Eagles. The Eagles of Andy Reid were 13-0 coming off a bye week and 3-3-0 heading into their game with the undefeated Atlanta Falcons. On their hiatus, Reid decided to fire defensive coordinator Juan Castillo, insisting the talent was there and it only needed to be maximized. Secondary coach Todd Bowles was given the responsibility of maximization of said talent. Philadelphia is now 13-1 coming off a bye and two full games behind the Giants in the NFC East. Assuming Andy Reid is right about the ceiling for his defensive talent; Todd Bowles appears to have a lot more work to do.

Granting Reid’s assertion that the Eagles are indeed a talented bunch; they are somehow not a very good team. QB Michael Vick, as QB’s who throw interceptions and lose fumbles often do, has received most of the blame, except of course from those who blame Reid for not replacing Vick with rookie Nick Foles. Foles is a tall pocket passer from central casting who looked great in the preseason playing against second and third stringers.

It’s been said that Reid’s job is on the line and he is loath to place his fate in the hands of a rookie QB. Reid’s desire to keep his job aligns closely with the Eagles mission statement – which I assume has something to do with winning football games – and Reid is uniquely positioned to assess both Vick and Foles so his decision to stick with Vick probably does give Philadelphia the better chance to win. After the Eagles lose to the Saints in New Orleans next Monday night the optics as they say, will almost certainly change.

As for America's Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, can we say we're disappointed? Did we expect Dez Bryant to come down in bounds? Is there a voice outside of Jerry Jones' head that's saying these Cowboys are legit Super Bowl contenders?

Contestant: I'll take Dallas Cowboys for $100...
Trebec: Tony Romo.
Contestant: How do you complete 65.7% of your passes (good for 7th best) and pass for 296 yards a game (5th best) and still manage to throw 13 interceptions?
Trebec: Correct!

Totally Unjustified Top X

    I. Houston Texans

   II. Chicago Bears

  III. New England Patriots

  IV. San Francisco 49ers

   V. Atlanta Falcons

  VI. New York Giants

 VII. Denver Broncos

VIII. Green Bay Packers

  IX. Tampa Bay Buccaneers

   X. Miami Dolphins

My reasons are my own… As are my politics...