Can We Really Make God Feel Sad?

I’m generally suspicious of people who say they know what God is thinking. Mostly because I’m an atheist and so what I think is, “Oh, you have an imaginary friend named Yahweh who tells you what to do. That pretty much ticks all the boxes on the crazy questionnaire, doesn’t it?”

Can we really make God feel sad or angry or I don’t know… pensive? Can people cause an omnipotent supernatural badass to harsh his sense of equanimity? I mean, He’s an omnipotent supernatural badass. What does he care about what human beings are doing? I thought the whole freakin’ universe up and it just happened, man. And you think you’re the most interesting thing I came up with? We should have a beer and deconstruct Kierkegaard? Man, the temptation to smite everything and everyone would just be overwhelming, wouldn’t it?

But I digress.

Evidently, gay people have the power to pool their psychic energy and form a giant fist that they can shake in the face of God. That’s pretty awesome when you think about it. More importantly, this pisses God off. This is the thing I don’t get. My understanding is that God is a “supreme being.” The ultimate; the absolute; the extreme. A giant, gay psychic fist is going to knock the Big Guy off his game?

Sorry. I’m not buying it.

Perhaps more importantly, is the food at Chick-fil-A any good? There isn’t one anywhere near where I live which makes a boycott something of a moot point. Still, I can’t help wondering what I’d be sacrificing it I was to vote with my pocketbook and buy my chicken sandwiches at McDonald’s or KFC or Burger King or Applebee’s. But not Chick-fil-A. Or Dunkin’ Donuts unless chicken salad counts, though my wife tells me the Ham n Cheese on a croissant is quite good.

I don’t need to find out that’s true.

Look, for all I know, McDonalds is run by Satanists. (Their invisible friend's is named Beelzebub.) It would explain a lot. I won’t touch their blueberry oatmeal so I doubt I’d order the goat’s blood and granola parfait – just 140 calories! – should it ever appear on the dollar menu.

As for Mr. Dan Cathy, the President Pastor of Chick-fil-A, I’m not so sure he knows what the Bible actually says about marriage. Or perhaps more importantly, what the Bible says about his neighbors.