Panic in Detroit

Click your heels together and say, “It’s only pre-season, it’s only pre-season, it’s only pre-season…”

The fact that I called it hardly made the Motor City Massacre any easier to take.  Am I blowing this out of proportion?  Well, I dubbed it the “Motor City Massacre” so yeah; I’m probably blowing this out of proportion.  It is only pre-season.

Glass Half Full

Okay, let’s see.  Detroit is an up and comer in the NFC, even if their quarterback hasn’t lost his baby fat, yet.  Ndamukong Suh did not break any of Tom Brady’s ribs.  And, um, that’s the list, I guess. 

Glass Half Empty

When the best player on the field for your team is the punter, and your punter is not Sammy Baugh who built a time machine to visit 2011 for some random reason, you are probably losing 34-10.  The Patriots were bad across the board but a few points to ponder…

·         Chad Ochocinco and Tom Brady are not clicking.  Adding insult to lack of production was the bizarre offensive pass interference call on Ocho when he got flatbed trucked by a Detroit DB in the first quarter.  Perhaps it’s unfair to single out Ocho in a game like this.  Whatever, I’m finding it harder and harder to control the Joey Galloway flashbacks.

·         Brandon Tate is not getting better.  Matthew Slater looks like a more effective deep threat at wideout and Julian Edelman looks like a better choice handling kick returns.  This is really too bad.  If Tate had gotten better he had the speed to be a game-breaker.  Alas.

·         The O-Line got handled.  Detroit’s defensive line is good.  The Boy Named Suh is a pant-load to be sure but they were playing without starting defensive end Kyle Vanden Bosch and #1 pick Nick Fairley so, if anything, this actually could have been worse.  This was a match the referee would’ve stopped if the NFL didn’t make you play all 60 minutes regardless of how profusely the cuts over your eyes are bleeding.  Watching starting RG Dan Connolly limp off the field was the turd cherry on the poop sundae.

·         The Defense regresses.  What happened to that aggressive, attacking defense swarming to the quarterback?  Matthew Stafford isn’t that good, is he?  Wasn’t Albert Haynesworth supposed to play?  Did the entire Defense have food poisoning?  What’s happening?!?!

Squirrel!

Are the Denver Broncos trying to use a walk-off FG win over the Seattle Seahawks as a statement game?  Is that allowed?

Does Michael Oher need a sequel?  He’s no longer on the blind side in Baltimore.  Probably won’t be able to get Sandra Bullock this time.  Not for a right tackle.  I think you go vampire.  It’s commercial and you’re not winning an Oscar if you’re taking a step down from the former America’s Sweetheart as your lead in any case.  Anyway, once again, Michael Oher has to deal with his troubling personal issues only this time those problems involve the undead.  This time he is seduced and bitten by a sexy vampire (I’m thinking Leona Lewis).  Under her thrall and driven nearly insane by an unquenchable thirst for human blood, Michael struggles to overcome and ultimately to achieve the goals he never knew he had till he achieved them.  Roll credits!

Represent.