Money is Respect

In a capitalistic society everything is measured in legal tender.  Everything.  Most importantly, social status.  My socioeconomic status is currently at the “has a refrigerator-freezer with and ice-maker in the door” level.  I’m good with that.  Not that I’d mind being at the “has a second house on Maui” level but as my wife often says, that’s not going to happen.  Not unless my “I’ll buy PowerBall whenever I think of it and hope I win $200 million dollars” financial plan plays out in what even I would characterize as an unexpected fashion.  On the other hand, my initial plan to invest in the stock market is hardly looking much better. 

For the second time in his brief but narratively complex career, Michael Vick has become a $100 million man.  He can once again afford that second home and buy his own island while he’s at it.  He can have his ice flown in from the Antarctic.

This Just Happened

So, there’s a Skip Bayless video embedded in the page linked above.  Skip, the prissy third-grade math teacher of sports reporting, questions whether or not Vick is worth it.  This bone will be gnawed by many over the next few days, Peyton Manning’s neck heals a leper.  As I watched the video I wondered, “Where did he come from, anyway?”  Indeed, it seemed to me that Skip Bayless just suddenly appeared; like the guy who wasn’t on the manifest in “Lost.”  He didn’t seem out of place, exactly but there was something about him that made you feel vaguely uneasy. 

So, I dialed up his Wikipedia page. 

And here is what I found…

And yes, “troll” links to the troll page.

The intro above is immediately preceded by this disclaimer…

…which is either ironic or Skip Bayless is a mythical Nordic being who lives in a cave and is neither helpful nor friendly. 

He does go by Skip.

Where was I?

So Michael Vick now has a pant-load of cheddar.  $40 million, guaranteed, which is the number that really matters.  Is Michael Vick worth it?  Forget all that existentialist musing on mortality and your conflicted feelings about your mother, Hamlet; that is the question.  It’s all about the Benjamins.

Seriously, did you see that game against Washington on Monday night? 

Peyton Hillis is on the cover of Madden when Michael Vick is playing the game like he wrote the source code? 

I don’t even want to know you, Skip Bayless!

More importantly, how does this affect Michael Vick’s socioeconomic status? 

I decided to use Peyton Manning and Tom Brady for context and perspective because, you know, because they are Peyton Manning and Tom Brady.

According to the Huffington Post (and if you can’t trust the Huffington Post when it comes to NFL contracts, who can you trust), Tom Brady’s contract calls for $48.5 million guaranteed.  According to ESPN Senior NFL Insider Chris Mortensen, Peyton Manning can earn $67 million of his $90 million dollar contract in the first three years.  I got bored looking for how much of the $90 million was guaranteed so I’m going with $67 million for Manning.  Surgically repaired neck notwithstanding, I could see Manning playing effectively for three years.  That’s my story and I’m sticking to it. 

$40 million sounds like a lot of money until you put it in a pile next to $67 million.  And yes, I used the most phallic chart objects I could find.  And now you’re imagining Michael Vick, Tom Brady and Peyton Manning all laying underneath that graph, aren’t you?  No?  Well, now you are!

And if you're expecting some cheap, easy, politically incorrect joke about anatomical correctness, forget it.  I'm better than that. 

Vick may actually be a bargain at $40 million.

If you think Manning is overpaid, I have just two words to say to you:  Curtis.  Painter.