Pigskin Panic

 Have to admit, I'm feeling pretty 6-11-0 today,

Not a good feeling.

Will the Patriots sort things out on offense? Yeah, sure. I don't think Belichick got football stupid all of a sudden. So, okay, things will get better but when is still a question. Somehow, next week in Pittsburgh doesn't sound like the answer. I wish it did. I'd love to say I saw some promising signs in Miami. No really. I'd love to say that.

The defense provided some hope that we can all get out of this alive in giving up just 13 points but right now I'm having a hard time picturing the offense scoring 14, let alone 30.

Quick Aside: Do fans in Cincinnati, Dallas, Denver, Green Bay, and Los Angeles feel worse about last Sunday than I do? I hope so. Nothing quite so intoxicating as Schadenfreude Vodka. No, I'm not a good person. Suck it, Aaron Rodgers!

Okay, alright. It's just one game. There's lots of football left to be played. Blah, blah, friggin' blah. One thing I've learned in life is that it's never too early to panic. I like to call it "being bold" but really my frontal lobe just got choked out by my amygdala and I have no sense of my surroundings and may well be a danger to myself and others right now. You've been warned…

Pigskin Ships for Bill "Cortez" Belichick to Burn

Trade Kendrick Bourne to Dallas

The team that was going to simplify its offense has too many wide receivers and one in particular is not playing well with others.

I don't know what happened or who's to blame (it's usually everyone), I just know that fractured relationships don't heal like fractured bones. Metal screws ain't going to fix it. Dallas (or a similarly receiver-needy team) should be interested in Bourne. Or maybe a reunion with Josh McDaniels in Las Vegas could work. Get the best return you can (player, draft pick, bag of magic beans) and move on. 

Protect the Future

If I'm an NFL defensive coordinator game-planning the Patriots, after watching the film of that Dolphins game, I'm dialing up a shit-ton of blitz packages. If I know this, I'm sure Bill Belichick does, too. So, until New England can solve their issues on the offensive line, get the ball out of McCorkle's hand as quickly as possible. Oh, and screw the screen pass. That's just an invitation for the opposing defense to put a hit on Mac Jones. Throw on first down off play action and throw deep. Keep every blitz-beater passing play in the playbook and throw everything else out until October. Maybe November. 

Simplify the Menu

I know, I know. All the preseason chatter was how the Patriots were simplifying or streamlining the offense, but, it seems all New England did was swap one set of complexities (the Erhardt-Perkins/McDaniels Offense) for a different set of complexities (the Shanahan Offense). In the short run, and somewhat related to the note above, I'd focus on fewer plays and better execution. (Everybody knew Lombardi's Packers were running the sweep.) I'm not saying you don't have multiple plays from a given formation or counters and play action, but the offense looks overwhelmed right now. They need an identity. Other than the one they have right now which I believe is best described as chaotic. Or maybe dysfunctional. Sloppy? Schizo-effective? Schizo-ineffective? I'm not a doctor. I think you probably guessed that.

Quick Aside: Why doesn't Belichick have an app for that? Given the data - and money - available, building an AI machine to call plays seems like something NFL teams should already have. I mean, Matt Patricia is a rocket scientist and all so he's pretty smart but come on; it's 2022! Where is the robot revolution I was promised?

Unfortunately, I think things will likely get worse before they get better. The Steelers are coming off a gutsy win over the Bengals and probably thought the Patriots-Dolphins game film was a better watch than "Top Gun: Maverick."

Which I didn't see but I needed a movie metaphor.

I will be watching the game this Sunday, though. It may be hard to watch but I will not look away. 

Ride or die, bitches.

Go Pats!