NFL Fascination Rankings

I'll leave the power rankings to the pigskin pundits and bobbleheads. For me, the NFL is simply the best TV on TV, an annual miniseries with a narrative that turns on a dime, full of Emmy-worthy star turns in both lead and supporting roles, almost weekly reversals of fortune and heroic comebacks, a six month quest for the one true diamond-studded ring, with finales that both captivate and disappoint - depending on your geography and rooting interests.

So, here are my initial NFL Fascination Rankings for 2021…

#1 - Tom Brady and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Can they repeat? Can they run the table? Is Tom Brady... mortal? Yes, Brady and the Bucs should be even better this season but undefeated is an even taller order than repeating as champs. Brady is still the last QB to lead his team to back-to-back Super Bowl wins, having accomplished that feat with the New England Patriots sixteen years ago. How Brady would it be for Brady himself to break that streak? At this point, is there anything Brady can do - perfect season, 55+ TD passes, and an 8th Lombardi Trophy - that would actually surprise you?

#2 - Aaron Rodgers and the Green Bay Packers

Our brief, regional nightmare is over. And I'm not surprised. Was this ever going to end any other way? Rodgers and the Packers will run it back for one last dance. What's the record for consecutive losses in a conference championship game, anyway? Maybe they'll go for it on 4th Down this time. Careful what you wish for, Aaron.

#3 - Patrick Mahomes and the Kansas City Chiefs

Not every team has a defense like the Buccaneers but I'd bet the mortgage that every Defensive Coordinator in the NFL with the Chiefs on their schedule has broken down the film from SB LV. Let's just say I'm not sure an upgrade at left tackle is going to be enough.

#4 - Bill Belichick and the New England Patriots

How Belichickian would it be, in the pass-wackiest era of NFL history, to put together a team designed to win games 10-3 by leading the league in rushing and time of possession, while fielding Top 5 defensive and special teams units? When does Darth Hoodie break out the wishbone and go for the single-game record for rushing yards? 

#5 - Matthew Stafford and Jared Goff

Admittedly, it's a longshot the Detroit Lions will actually resemble a professional football team this season or at any point in the future but, however unlikely, the string theorists in the crowd would argue there is a possible future where Jared Goff pays off all the receipts in 2021. Okay, that is not going to happen but is Matthew Stafford taking the Los Angeles Rams to SB LVI really a foregone conclusion? Aaron Rodgers hopes not.

#6 - Deshaun Watson and the Texas Department of Criminal Justice

Perhaps the funniest thing I've heard this off-season is the Houston Texans saying they want three 1st round picks in trade for Watson, who seems more likely to spend this season wearing an ankle brace than shoulder pads. (Not to jump to any conclusions but when there's that much smoke the fire is usually burning thousands of acres in northern California.) Is there a team so morally bankrupt (*cough* Washington *cough*) that they would bring Watson into their city and their locker room? To be the face of the franchise? 

#7 - Josh Allen and the Buffalo Bills

The Buffalo Bills seem like a team that's been cursed to always lose its last game of the season.

#8 - Russell Wilson and the Seattle Seahawks

Are Russ and Pete Carroll cool? Are they sharing meaningful dialogue? More importantly, do the Seahawks have even one offensive lineman that would start on any other team in the NFL? 

#9 - The Reanimated Corpse of Ben Roethlisberger and the Pittsburgh Steelers

Forget Tom Brady. This is how NFL quarterbacks end their careers. Tragically.

#10 - That Mother F#%ker Jimmy Garoppolo

Okay, you got me. This is all about Thomas Edward Patrick Brady, Jr. and will be until he retires in 2031. Was Jimmy GQ the mofo Brady referenced on The Shop? Yeah, I don't really know but of all the theories of all the pigskin pundits and bobbleheads, this is my favorite. Brady joining the team he rooted for as a kid, taking Garoppolo's lunch money one more time; it just seems to write itself. Garoppolo's Salieri to Brady's pigskin Mozart is an imperfect comp (Brady being more Haydn than child prodigy and Haydn being more Belichick than Brady but one again I'm victimized by my liberal arts education) but it's clear that we can't tell either Brady's or Garoppolo's story without mentioning the other. Can the man who was once thought to be the heir to Brady's throne (sometimes I wish I'd watched Game of Thrones so I wouldn't have to use classical music composers as metaphors), the man who managed to lead a team into the Super Bowl - only to lose and be blamed for it - come back from injury (again), hold off the challenge of his team's 1st round Quarterback of the Future pick and return the 49ers to glory? Aaron Rodgers hopes not.