Worthy Challengers All

It’s right there. The Lombardi Trophy. You can almost see your sweaty fingerprints all over it, can’t you?

On one side of the draw we have west coast mashups of old school defenses and millennial quarterbacks. On the other, we have your grandpa’s quarterbacks; tall and white, quick on the draw but slow of foot. The Seattle Seahawks and San Francisco 49ers have two of the best defenses in the NFL. The Denver Broncos have an offense that shredded the record book in 2013. And the New England Broncos, well, they have Tom Brady.

The simple answer here is Seattle and Denver; best defense vs. best offense. And that might just happen; there are only four possible outcomes, after all. But I’m not going there…

New England 33, Denver 31

Are stats for losers? I hope so.

Because statistically speaking, the Patriots have no chance. Well, of course they have a chance (1 in 1,000,000,000?) because, you know, Tom Brady but really, no realistic chance. Even the locals are jumping off the band wagon before it crashes through the guardrail, falls down the mountain side and bursts into flames. At some point the losses – Big Vince, Mayo, Gronk, Spikes, Tommy Kelly and Vollmer – will simply be too much to overcome. Amendola is playing with a torn groin, Mankins is playing on one ankle, Alfonzo Dennard had knee surgery mid-season, Aqib Talib is playing on one hip, Kenbrell Thompson is concussed and Aaron Dobson is playing on one foot. Even the Patriots’ punter, Ryan Allen, is dinged up.

[Use your Andy Samberg doing Nicolas Cage voice] COME ON!

What are these guys even doing here?

Meanwhile, Peyton Manning has all of his weapons at hand. Julius Thomas didn’t play in the regular season loss to the Patriots but he will start Sunday. Wes Welker is back, too. (And I think his helmet looks cool.) The Broncos offense is like the ’27 Yankees; they’ve got home run hitters up and down the line up. Denver’s top four receivers – Demaryius Thomas, Eric Decker, Julius Thomas and Wes Welker – all caught 10+ TD passes in 2013. They all had 10+ catches of 20 yards or more. The Broncos have four great line of scrimmage options plus Knowshon Moreno out of backfield. This offense just rains big plays and points down upon the heads of their opponents. If there’s a busted coverage Manning will find it.

[Use your Christian Bale as Batman voice] They CAN’T… be STOPPED!

We’ve seen the Patriots in the underdog role before, though, haven’t we? They weren’t supposed to be here. The Dolphins were supposed to win the AFC East. The Colts and Andrew Luck were supposed to be in Denver today. Would I be surprised if New England wins this game? Well, a little bit, sure. But after watching this team win in the most improbable fashion, after Talib’s stop in Atlanta and after Kenbrell Thompkins’ catch to beat the Saints, after Wes Welker’s late fair catch call changed everything, after Gostkowski’s on-side kick, after LeGarrette Blount lowered his pad level, after everything that’s happened to these Patriots I can see it. Perhaps a big play in the kicking game will make the difference. Maybe the “nobody believes in them” defense puts some points on the board with a Pick 6. Could Aaron Dobson follow fellow rookie Jamie Collins’ cue and have the best game of his career (so far)? 

My head tells me it’s Manning throwing 5 TD passes to 5 different receivers but my heart tells me this game could go anywhere. It could come down to who has it last or it could be a blowout.

The only thing I’m sure of is that I’m going to need a lot of drinks for this one.

I should probably take a handful of baby aspirin just before kickoff, too.

San Francisco 17, Seattle 16

The pigskin cognoscenti have determined the Seahawks and Niners are the two best teams left in the playoffs, with the Broncos a close third and the Patriots a distant fourth. Cold comfort for the loser of this game.

This game will be like the chariot scene in “Ben-Hur.” Or maybe the game without rules in “Rollerball” (the good one). The point is I’m thinking players will be carted off the field in this one. These are big, fast men, throwing their full weight at one another at predatory speeds. Small miscalculations will inevitably lead to tragedy. If the over/under on concussions for this game was 2.5 and I’d bet the over. These are scary defenses. These are men with bad intent. 

I just peed in my pants (only a drop!) when I wrote that last paragraph.

For me, Anquan Boldin will be one of the scariest guys on the field – and he’s a wide receiver. He just seems like a genuinely surly individual. I’m all for athletic men with anger management issues participating in sports. They are endlessly entertaining. I always wondered why the Ravens didn’t take more crap for trading Boldin compared to the wailing and keening and anger and recriminations over the Patriots losing Wes Welker in free agency. I digress.

Anquan Boldin is scary. Frank Gore is scary. Everybody’s talking about Marshawn Lynch but Gore is also more than capable of a dominating 120+ yard game. The 49ers linebackers are scary. Jim Harbaugh is crazy scary. The Seahawks are scary, too. I mean, Beast Mode, anyone? Legion of Boom? Richard Sherman is the best cover corner in the NFL and he will remind you of this fact on each and every snap of the football. In Earl Thomas and Kam Chancellor they may have the two scariest best safeties in the NFL.

I know the Seahawks are money at home but in a game of small margins, I like Kaepernick over Russell and San Fran’s pass catchers (Boldin, Michael Crabtree, Vernon Davis) over Seattle’s (Golden Tate, Doug Baldwin, Zach Miller).

It will be a close game. Someone will be a hero; someone will wear the goat’s horns. It will turn on one play; a fumble, a blown coverage, an interception in the end zone, a missed field goal.

Just like it always does.