Monday, December 5, 2011

The Church of Tim

If the season ended today, Tim Tebow would be the quarterback of the AFC West division champs. 

So it was written.  So it has become.



Yo, Oakland!  This is God.  Welcome to second place!
We’re starting to expect it.  Tebow Time.  The run for a successful two-point conversion when everyone in the house knows it will be Tebow.  Boom!  10 of 15 for 202 yards passing, 2 touchdowns and 0 interceptions.   13.46666666666667 yards per attempt.  What rough beast will Tebow become if he can post those kind of passing numbers consistently? 

Tebow!



  
I come here not to praise the Eagles, but to bury them…
What up, Philly fans?  Hey, the pressure is off.  The best your Eagles can do is go 8-8-0 and you know that ain’t happening.  5-11-0 is a real possibility.  So why not offer to go Christmas shopping with your significant other this Sunday.  When they ask what you want for Christmas tell them you already have everything anyone could ask for.  Take them to dinner at the Olive Garden afterwards.  Bank the karma.  You deserve it.




I’m in the basement mixing up the medicine…
Who is betting on the Dolphins to finish third in the AFC East?  They’re just one game behind the Buffalo Bills, who should be hitting terminal velocity any second now.  The Bills’ five-game losing street puts them on a list (Top 5 Losing Streaks) with the Chargers, Colts, Vikings and Buccaneers.  That’s not a good list to be on. 

The Dolphins are gritty.  The Bills are fatally flawed.  Ipso Pigskin.




The Cowboys are America’s Crazy Girlfriend Team…
What is with these guys?  Anyone?  I think we’re in Riddle Wrapped in a Mystery Inside an Enigma territory with the Cowboys.  When did head coaches start calling timeouts to ice their own kicker?  (I don’t have a great answer for you on that.  Seriously?  That’s your non-great answer?)  In overtime – sudden death overtime – on the Cardinals game-winning, 52-yard screen pass to LaRod Stephens-Hyphenate, it was as if Cowboys defenders were allergic to the color red, avoiding contact with the cardinal clad Stephens-Hyphenate.  They seemed disoriented, as if they had no idea who they were or what they were doing. 

This one’s for you, Rob Ryan.



Next Stop Chi-Town, Lido Put the Money Down, Let it Roll…
After Jake Cutler went down, Chicago fans told themselves, “It’ll be all right.  We’ve still got Matt Forte.”  Now what?

Still got those rhythm and blues, I guess.



Number 1 Thing for Neurotic Pats Fans Like Myself to Worry About This Week…
Mike Shanahan has a winning record against Bill Belichick. 

He’s Hoodie Kryptonite. 

His face is carved out of it.

Better run.




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