Fatalistic Football

The Patriots are 2-3-0. They absolutely could be 3-2-0. They should've won the opener against Miami. I mean, you've seen the Dolphins, right? They're 1-4-0 with a -75 point differential. That's worse than the Jets. (The Jets! Always good for perspective on the Fujita Sucking Scale.) In fact, (well, okay, fan fiction), the Patriots could be 4-1-0 if Nick Folk's 56-yard field goal attempt had been just about 8" to the left. Instead, they lost by just two points to the defending Super Bowl champions and some guy named Tom.

All Wins Are Equal in the Standings

It's never a good sign when you're thinking, if they're losing this one, then maybe they should just tank; maybe a Top 5 draft pick would be worth the confusion, sadness, and pain I'm feeling right now. 

I know, I know. Twenty years of unprecedented, sustained success I need to get over myself but this regressing to the mean stuff, I mean, am I going to get nineteen more years of this? 

The Cap, the Depth Chart, and the Injury Report

The conclusion to the Stephon Gilmore story in New England reminds us once again; everything ends badly or else it wouldn't end.

The Orchard

Rachael thought the "Scooby Gang" thing had run its course but she did her best to hide her annoyance with Scott. He was such a puppy dog and you have to be patient with puppy dogs. "Well," she said. "I'd have to go with Velma."

The Good, The Bad (and the Beauty Challenged)

In retrospect, Tom Brady's return to Foxborough played out exactly the way we all should've known it would. Bill being Bill, making things ugly, and Tom being Tom, somehow finding a way to win.

Sometimes Knowing Doesn't Make a Difference

So now we know what should've been obvious all along. Tom Brady wanted to sign with the San Francisco 49ers, the team of his childhood hero, playing in a stadium close to his parents. By extension, we also know who the mofo is that Brady referred to in The Shop. Jimmy GQ. 

Jedi Football

Does Darth Hoodie have one more Jedi mind trick left to play?