Sunday Morning Randomizer

Karma’s a bitch but I can’t help myself. I’ll be rooting for the Ravens, Bengals and Seahawks today. Okay. Not really. I’ll be rooting against the Bills, Jets and Dolphins. Looking at those matchups, it feels like all of those dominoes could fall in my favor. Not that I trust the Ravens and Joe Flacco. Or the Bengals and Marvin Lewis. It would be a shock for the Dolphins to fly across the country and beat the Seahawks in Seattle. That couldn’t happen, right?

If things go my way, the worst case scenario would be the Patriots flying out of Phoenix tied for 1st place in the AFC East.

Gronkless in Phoenix

How much did the betting line move when it was learned that Rob Gronkowski didn’t make the flight out to Arizona? Six points? No Gronk, no Nate Solder and of course, no Dion Lewis, Rob Ninkovich or Tom Brady.

But these are the Patriots. They eat adversity like cold pizza for breakfast.

Take the points.

Always One More Shoe

The final 53 is set. For now.

With the benefit of a good night’s sleep…

Bubbling

The fourth preseason game is always a hot, steaming mess. And not just because of the late summer humidity. Starters make a cameo if they play at all and after that mere chaos reigns. Or should I say mere weirdness? Taking his last reps before October (for reasons that pass all understanding), Tom Brady played the entire first half while Jimmy Garoppolo remained on the sideline, encased in bubblewrap.

Regardless, the Patriots and every other NFL team will need to cut 22 players to get down to the final 53 by end of business on Saturday.

It’s a tough game, and not just on the field.

Making Way Too Much Out Of Nothing At All

Preseason, even the infamous “dress rehearsal” 3rd preseason game, is fraught with equal parts unreasoning elation and unfounded doom. We can make way too much of a single series, even a single play and yet, the siren call of the hot take is simply impossible to resist.

So, I’m just going to roll with it…

Tom's Thumb Blues

It’s hardly a surprise that we know so little about Tom Brady’s “mishap.” I think we’re all generally aware of scissors but what do we really know about what happened before Thursday night’s preseason game? When I hear that he “sliced” his right thumb I want to know if the cut needed stitches. Was this dealt with using a standard sized band-aid? Players use scissors to pry jammed up turf from their cleats? Scissors? Tom Brady doesn’t have a body man to handle these plebian tasks? Where was rookie QB Jacoby Brissett? Shouldn’t he be cleaning Brady’s cleats?

I get the Patriots not saying anything. They never say anything. They didn’t say anything about Gronk, Jabaal Sheard or Shea McClellin’s recent absences. We didn’t know Shaq Mason had a broken hand until today and he’s been a no-show for a week. Okay. Nothing to see here. But this is Tom Edward Patrick Brady, Jr.! Where is the incredulous speculation and conspiracy theorizing from the local pigskin pundits and bobbleheads? Where is the keening and wailing of the good citizens of Patriots Nation?

I guess we’re all too busy reliving that 2-minute drill by Jimmy Garoppolo.

If A Preseason Game Falls In The Forest

Okay, they could have taken a strong moral stand on domestic violence but sadly didn’t. They could’ve addressed player safety a long time ago but instead decided the ideal PR model was Big Tobacco. Deny. Delay. Litigate. Know the general public is addicted to your product. You just need to give them time to accept the fact your product has a, you know, side effect. Hey! Everybody dies, am I right? The NFL didn’t do a lot of things right off the field for the last decade. But they always delivered the product. No matter what else they screwed up, they always gave us what we wanted. The Chronic. Ecstasy. Football.

They always gave us football.

Wait - what?