It's Writing Itself

They’ve lost stalwart DT Vince Wilfork, three-down LB Jerod Mayo and Vince’s DT dance partner Tommy Kelly on defense and RT Sebastian Vollmer and All Galaxy TE Rob Gronkowski on offense. They have almost as much money on IR as they do on the active roster. WR Danny Amendola has been nicked up since Week 1, safety Steve Gregory missed time with a broken thumb, cornerback Aqib Talib missed time with a hip injury and they only recently got pass-catching 3^rd down RB Shane Vereen back on the field after a stint on the short-term IR. And just as rookie wide receivers Kenbrell Thompkins and Aaron Dobson seemed to be getting consistently on the same page with Brady, both of them got hurt.

After all that, the Patriots are 10-3-0 and if they win today in Miami, they will hold the “if the playoffs started today” #1 seed in the AFC Playoffs, thanks to that tiebreaker they hold with the Denver Broncos.

How is this possible?

A Play Here or There

Make a play. Win the game.

What Just Happened

I’m not sure what just happened. Am I asleep and happily dreaming or am I awake and face-to-face with an improbable reality? I’d say impossible but it seemingly just happened so impossible doesn’t apply. Improbable will have to do. Their greatest warrior, their Ajax, Rob Gronkowski fell and still Tom Brady and the Patriots would not accept defeat. They trailed 26-14 with 2:39 to play. They would need Tom Brady to be Tom Brady. They would need to recover an onside kick. They would need a call. They would need someone to step up in Gronk’s absence and they got Shane Vereen catching 12 passes for 153 yards.

I was just along for the ride. And yes, that ride made me throw up.

The Other Fifteen

A little shout out to Matt Schaub who got to ride fate’s savage roller coaster Thursday night. Banished to the bench in favor of Case Keenum thanks to a penchant for snatching defeat from the jaws of victory with ill-timed interceptions was summoned by ex-HC Gary Kubiak when Keenum struggled against the #31 defense of the Jacksonville “Good Seats Still Available/Will Play in London for Food” Jaguars. The Texans trailed 17-7 at the half and fell further behind in the third quarter at 24-10. Schaub had rallied Houston to a 24-20 deficit and had the ball on the 22-yard line with 2:21 to play. It was redemption time for Matt Schaub. When his agent is looking for another team for him this off-season he could point to this game and say that Matt Schaub still has it. And then we saw that Matt Schaub indeed still had it. Instead of a game-winning TD pass, he threw an interception, effectively ending the game. After the chip shot field goal made it 27-20, Schaub was sacked for an 18-yard loss. Game over. He went from future starting QB for the Minnesota Vikings to backing up Andrew Luck in Indianapolis and not taking a snap for the next three years in two minutes.

Can you imagine the dark, foul ball of psychic energy that flooded Matt Schaub’s brain when he threw that interception? I can imagine him thinking for just a moment, “I’m in Hell. I’m doomed to throw ill-timed interceptions for all eternity! What did I do to deserve this? This seems way out of proportion to whatever I did. What? God is a Houston Texans’ fan? That’s kind of random isn’t it? It is what it is? Oh. Even so, isn’t God supposed to be love? Forgiveness? Oh. Except where football and specifically the Houston Texans are involved. I see. Oops! Threw another INT. Maybe there’ll come a time when this will all seem funny.”

Maybe it’s already funny.

Sometimes Life Intrudes

I'll get to the rest of the picks before Sunday (I hope). For now...

Houston 20, Jacksonville 31 - The Texans gave it everything they have to beat the Patriots last week. A third win in a lost season is insignificant unless that win is a pride-saving victory over one of the best teams in the NFL. That did not happen. Having taken pride off the table, Houston will bring its moveable feast of pigskin pain to Jacksonville to face a Jaguars team that beat them just two weeks ago. The 3-9-0 Jags are playing hard for a team whose best case scenario is 7-9-0. One thing's for certain with this game. I won't have any problem switching over to "Project Runway All Stars" at 9:00pm. 

Funny Business

He kids. Because he cares.

Do These Grapes Taste Funny to You?

Apparently, Bill Belichick owns a condo in the Houston Texans’ collective head. Or Antonio Smith’s head at the very least.