Norvwhere Man

Okay, there is no way I understand what Chargers fans are going through right now.  I’m a Patriots fan.  I root for a team that consistently finds a way to win.  They root for a team that consistently finds a way to lose.  The closest I can come is to think back to 1999 and try to imagine a world in which the Patriots did not fire Pete Carroll and did not hire Bill Belichick.  But that pain for me is hypothetical, abstract, easily partitioned; the pain that Chargers fans are feeling right now is real, visceral, blinding agony.  

Norv Turner will be coaching the San Diego Chargers in 2012.

Stay strong, San Diego.

Reboot

Some teams are starting over for reals.  Some started early by firing their head coaches during the season but the Rams went a step further by firing both their head coach and general manager, Steve Spagnuolo and Billy Devaney.  It’s unclear if Spagnuolo’s 10-38-0 record in St. Louis satisfies the fine print in his deal with the Devil (that wasn’t the hand of God pinning that football to David Tyree’s helmet) so future employers should beware.  This move puts St. Louis in the chase for Jeff Fisher, his awesome mustache and his hit man sunglasses.  Fisher’s sunglasses have been tied to Indianapolis, Miami and Tampa Bay.  Jacksonville?  Not so much.

Anything Can Happen (Or So I Hope)

Like most New England fans, I’ve spent the last few weeks trying to talk myself into the 2011 Patriots as legitimate Super Bowl contenders.  I say most because there’s a sizable minority that seems to be working the Reverse Jinx angle.  You know, dismissing the Pats chances because of their terrible, horrible, no good, very bad defense.  They miss no opportunity to loudly remind us of just how really, really bad this New England Patriots Defense is.  Historically bad.  Stupid bad.  Wicked bad.  One and done in the playoffs bad.  The very definition of a bad joke bad… 

A Priest, a Rabbi and an Imam walk into a bar where the New England Patriots Defense is having a beer, eating nachos and watching the Bruins play on the big screen TV.  The Priest walks up to the bar with the Rabbi and the Imam, hands the bartender a pamphlet and says, “My brothers in God’s good works and I are collecting for charity; the Inter-Faith Fund for the Poor, Uneducated, Homeless and the Underemployed Who Turned to Petty Theft to Feed Their Starving Families.  We were wondering if we might ask the patrons of your fine establishment for a contribution.”  The bartender considers the request for a moment and says, “I guess that would be okay, but just one thing.”  He nods to the Patriots Defense.  “Don’t ask them for anything, they’ve given enough already.”

Why They Play the Game

There’s always something on the line.  Like, your job, for one thing.

That's the List

It makes me a little crazy (crazier?) when I hear an announcer say, “The way to beat Tom Brady is…” or “The way to beat Aaron Rodgers is…” when what they are really saying is, “The way to beat any great quarterback is…” because they always come up with the same list.

It Comes Around

It’s become something of a Christmas tradition for me to find a football book under the tree.  “The Education of a Coach” by David Halberstam, “Moving the Chains” by Charles Pierce, Michael Holley’s “Patriot Reign” and this year Holley’s “War Room.”  (If there are books about Rex Ryan and Mark Sanchez I am blissfully unaware of them.)  Light reading compared to something like “Team of Rivals” (another Christmas book) but perfect for that week of downtime between Christmas and New Year’s.

Schot Through the Heart

Perhaps I’m enjoying this too much.  Certainly, I’m enjoying it too early.  Despite the complex scenario required for their post-season survival, until I hold my finger to the neck of the Jets corpse and fail to detect a pulse, stuff garlic in the mouth, cut off the head, salt and burn the body, I will continue to picture J-E-T-S, Jets, Jets, Jets running out the tunnel from the visitors’ locker room at Gillette Stadium for a playoff game with the Patriots.  Having said that, the Jets loss to the Giants in the Battle of New Jersey is almost too delicious not to savor.  I’ll just have another small slice of that pie, please.