Pigskin Fatalities

Sometimes it's hard not to believe in fate.

Am I right, Cowboys fans? 

America's Team put the capital D in Dysfunctional in their shockingly expected loss to the Packers. I mean, this is what the Cowboys do in the playoffs but even so, I don't think they had a chance playing against a team with a clearly fictional hero QB named Jordan Love. Jordan Love? How long did it take his agents to come up with that?

How about you Philly fans? How you doing? Maybe you all saw this coming. I mean, the Eagles were 1-4 after Thanksgiving (I've heard that's when the most important football is played). It's like they got Pigskin COVID from Uncle Don at the family Thanksgiving dinner when everybody got into that shouty spit fight over Taylor Swift. 

Quick Aside: Was this the best weekend for Giants fans since something happened in a Super Bowl once? (I'm foggy on the details. Let's move on, shall we?)

As for Cleveland fans, all I can say is that sometimes, the fairy tale ends when fate decides it doesn't really care about that poor girl in the glass shoes any more. Or "Pigskin Daddy" Joe Flacco. It was a great - if short - run for the AARP-eligible Flacco and the morally conflicted Browns.

Do you think Tom Brady shook his damned head every time pigskin pundits and bobbleheads referenced Flacco's age?

Do you think Tom Brady watched C.J. Stroud and thought, "I knew I should've won another Super Bowl before I retired." Okay. That's crazy talk but Stroud's performance against the Browns defense was nothing short of a revelation. Going to Baltimore and beating the #1 seed Ravens is a lot to ask of this young Texans team but while I would be surprised if they pulled off the upset, I would not be shocked. I think Stroud is that good.

I think the Lions' "I'm out of fingernails" win over the Rams will help them going forward. They could've lost tragically, but somehow did not. It feels like maybe the Pigskin Gods are on your side when that happens. 

Next up we'll get the dueling redemption stories of Jared "Good Enough for Detroit" Goff and Baker "No Window Too Small" Mayfield.

The Pigskin Fates love whimsy so who knows how that one plays out but it just feels like one QB tosses 5 TDs and the other QB tosses 5 INTs and only Coach Schrodinger knows which one is the dead cat.

Miami won just once this season against a team with a winning record and it wasn't last weekend in Kansas City. But cheer up, Dolphins fans! With the Jets and Patriots in the AFC East you should make it to the playoffs for another disappointing loss next year!

If you believe in the Taylor Swift psy-op conspiracy theory (and who doesn't), then you had to see the Chiefs win over the Dolphins coming. Well, that and the Dolphins record against winning teams. But which one do you think had a bigger impact on the game?

I have to give Mike Tomlin and his team credit for making it to the playoffs in the first place, and then keeping the game in Buffalo close for a half while playing with a 3rd string QB and without T.J. Watt. 

Up Next: The ➗ Round

Texans over Ravens - No, that isn't going to happen but my in-laws are all hoping the AFC Championship will be played in Buffalo, so, go Texans!

Bills over Chiefs - See above. Also, does Taylor Swift sacrifice this game as part of the long-term strategy for her psy to do whatever it is she's op-ing?

Lions over Buccaneers - Hard to root against the Lions. Generations of Michiganders have been born, lived, and died since their last championship. Then again, Baker Mayfield has 250,000 reasons to play the best game of his life.

49er over Packers - Hard to think the Niners will lose this one. Still, his name is Jordan Love.

Go Football!