The Packers are back from their bye week. That’s why I felt so empty last week! No, wait. I had that empty feeling because my pigskin paladins were junk-punched by a bitter rival last Sunday right before my horrified eyes.
Surprises, Puzzles and Affirmations
I think we can all stop waiting for the Buffalo Bills to fall apart. In the next four weeks they play the Jets twice, home and away, bracketing roadies at Dallas and Miami. Unless Fred Jackson is abducted by aliens, they should beat the Cowboys and we can pencil the Dolphins game into the W column, too. If they sweep the Jets (seems unlikely) and the Patriots falter (I don’t want to talk about it) we could see a playoff game in Buffalo.
It will be wicked bitchin’ cold and Jim Kelly will be an honorary captain calling the coin flip.
The Steelers Are Not Afraid
Joe Flacco is Decidedly Average. He ranks 12th in Yards per Game, 22nd in Yards per Attempt and 31st in Completion Percentage. Okay, Decidedly Below Average. Also, he’s a natural to take the Matuszak role in the inevitable remake of “The Goonies.” Tom Brady is arguably one of the Top 10 Quarterbacks of All Time. The Steelers just made Tom Brady look Decidedly Average. What’s the distance between Top 10 Quarterbacks of All Time and Decided Average? If you subtract that from Decidedly Below Average will the result be a negative?
Full Disclosure: I just get this feeling the Steelers suffer a letdown after their impressive, dominant win over the Patriots and lose to the Ravens, who shouldn’t be in any danger of a letdown following their uninspiring, anemic win over the Cardinals. I know. Roethlisberger > Flacco. Pittsburgh > Baltimore. Still, it’s just been that kind of season. Ravens 23, Steelers 20.
Side Effects
My Top Five Worst Teams in the NFL right now are (1) The Rotting Corpse of the Indianapolis Colts (2) The Little Train that Can’t, the Miami Dolphins (3) The Conventionally Bad Arizona Cardinals (4) The Lost Generation That is the St. Louis Rams and (5) The Unwatchably Bad Jacksonville Jaguars. I noted the chatter about the Colts and Andrew Luck and Phil Simms saying Peyton Manning wouldn’t let Indy draft Luck. The smart move is to draft Luck and trade Manning while he’s still worth seven draft picks. Seattle, maybe. Minnesota. Whoever has the most draft picks (even if it’s Tennessee). If we’ve learned anything about the Colts this year it’s that they need a lot more than Peyton Manning. Get the best college QB since John Elway and get the picks, too. Maybe it’s a dick move on the part of the Indianapolis Colts but it’s also the smart move.
It’s Math!
As a Patriots fan, I’d like to thank the New Orleans Saints for following their 62-7 rout of the Colts with a 31-21 loss on the road to the previously winless Rams. It turns out Drew Brees is totally ineffective while wearing Chris Long’s jersey. Go figure. Anyway, the NFC South is pretty much up for grabs now. The Saints, Buccaneers and Falcons all have three losses.
It’s Muscle Memory
How many of us are still expecting the Houston Texans to somehow figure out a way to lose the AFC South? That’s going to happen, right? I need something to count on in these uncertain times.
Dogpile on Philip Rivers!
Is Philip Rivers still an elite QB? I’ve got Brady, Brees, Rodgers and Roethlisberger (alphabetically) and then I’m not sure. The bell curve demands two more names. I’m tempted to put Cam Newton on the list. Rivers or Romo? What about Eli? Better than Rivers or Romo? Matt Schaub?
Whatever.
I like to think of Norv Turner and Philip Rivers as the anti-Bill Belichick and Tom Brady in the sense that Belichick-Brady were sort of the chicken-egg of excellence for a while. Remember when everyone wondered, was it Belichick that made Brady great or was it that Brady made Belichick a genius? Well…
Does Turner saddle Rivers with game plans destined for disastrous two minute drills or does Rivers make Turner look like Stephen Hawking? (Hawking didn’t know shit about football.)
Like Belichick-Brady… Why can’t it be both?
This one’s for you, Aaron Rodgers…
(This song deserves a kick ass video; sadly, none exists.)
No comments:
Post a Comment