Deep Breath

The key to dealing with adversity is to maintain perspective; take a deep breath.  The other key is to remember to exhale.  Otherwise you pass out and you might hit your head on something sharp, like the corner of a coffee table.  No, wait.  The key to dealing with adversity is a slap in the face.  That will chill your shit out in a hurry.

The real key to dealing with adversity is realizing that over the last 21 home games, your team is 20-1-0; it’s realizing that at the midway point your team is 5-3-0 and tied for first place in their division; it’s realizing that Tom Brady is your team’s quarterback.  That’s right; the key to dealing with adversity is realizing it could be worse.

A lot worse.  How about…

Kansas City Chiefs’ Fans – The Chiefs took a four-game winning streak into Arrowhead Stadium to face the winless Dolphins, ready to take charge of the AFC West.  They left wearing their asses for hats as Miami put their first stick in the W column.  Chiefs’ fans can console themselves with the misery of others – the Chargers and Raiders both lost – but taking a 31-3 beating at home, regardless of the opponent, will leave an oblate bruise on your pigskin psyche.

Miami Dolphins Fans – No Andrew Luck for you.  Only the Dolphins could lose by winning.

Tim Tebow Haters – So, the Broncos put together a game plan that played to Tebow’s strengths and Willis McGahee’s new BFF delivered a 38-24 win on the road against the Raiders.  My Dark Lord and Master Beelzebub is beside himself.

Look, I know this can’t possibly happen but it must be noted: The Denver Broncos are one game out of first place in the AFC West and Jesus is their Offensive Coordinator. 

Yeah. 

I said it.

Oakland Raiders Fans – So, Carson Palmer has been reunited with T.J. Houshmandzadeh.  Because it worked out so well in Cincinnati.  Who knew I’d be re-adding “Houshmandzadeh” to my spell-check dictionary? 

Pittsburgh Steelers Fans – Swept by their bitter division rivals, the Baltimore Ravens; losing at home on a 92-yard 4^th quarter game-winning drive engineered by Average Joe Flacco.  This, one week after throttling the Patriots and seemingly seizing the AFC by the neck.  Now they’re in 3^rd place in the AFC North, with a road trip to the surprising Cincinnati Bengals up next.  What am I saying?  The Steelers get the win in Cincy, take their bye to get healthy and then run the table to finish 13-3-0.  Chillax Terrible Towel Twirlers!

Anybody Playing the Packers – Seriously.

Philadelphia Eagles Fans – Dream?  More like night terrors.  If you’re an Eagles’ fan and you aren’t waking up in a cold sweat at 2:00am, I don’t think you’ve been paying attention.  At least Kevin Kolb isn’t tearing it up in Arizona. 

Bonus Track