Somewhere in Dallas, somebody is asking “What’s the deal with Tony Romo?” And that somebody’s name is Jerry Jones.
So, you laughed when Rex Grossman predicted the Redskins would win the NFC East. Me, too! I feel pretty confident we’ll have the last laugh but for now the NFC East has gone Poseidon Adventure on us, with Washington and the G-Men on top and the Eagles and Cowboys on the bottom hoping against hope that Gene Hackman as Head Coach Jimmy McGinty can lead them up from the flaming wreckage of their first four games to the playoffs, redemption and the girl. Hey, these guys don’t just play for the money.
They play for the chicks, too.
What is Tony Romo’s alter ego’s name? You know, the guy who inexplicably throws three interceptions in the second half after Tony Romo throws three touchdown passes in the first? I’ve got to go with Tommy Moro. It wasn’t Tony who shrugged off Jerry Jones gesture of compassion; it was the dark, self-destructive Tommy.
Given that Tony Romo suffers from multiple personality disorder (it explains everything, doesn’t it?), how many personalities are we dealing with? There’s the gritty, broken-ribbed hero willing his team to win on sheer guts and sandlot moxie. There’s the nervous schoolgirl with tiny hands who knows nothing of football. There’s the fancy, flat cap-wearing fop. There’s the dyslexic sailor, the lyrical dancer, the toothless Inuit. There’s the man stuck simultaneously in multiple, concurrent space-time continuums.
As for last Sunday’s second half performance against the Lions, I’m going with the nervous schoolgirl with tiny hands who knows nothing of football, Antonia Elizabeth Morrison.
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Detroit is for real.
Aaron Rogers is awesome.
Yeah, that’s pretty much it.
Nostradamus Didn’t See This One Coming
San Francisco is running away with the NFC West after back-to-back road wins capped by the 20-point comeback win in Philadelphia last Sunday.
It was inevitable, of course; somebody was going to win the NFC West. We were all thinking 9-7-0, though, weren’t we? Not 12-4-0 and that’s where the Niners are headed.
Maybe the Eagles are a roster, not a team. Maybe linebackers are important. Maybe, just maybe, you still need to run the football to win in the NFL (see Patriots, New England).
Maybe the 49ers are just that good.
You know. Good enough to win the NFC West.
Opportunity Knocks
As the Colts, the mere chew toys of impassive pigskin gods, continue to struggle heroically yet lose anyway, the once and future Oilers have seized the high ground in the AFC South. With a new head coach in Mike Munchak, a pre-owned quarterback in Matt Hasselbeck, the distraction of star running back Chris Johnson’s holdout and no off-season program, the Titans were supposed to struggle. The Texans being the Texans were supposed to struggle. Instead, Houston and Tennessee are currently double-booked in the division penthouse with 3-1-0 records.
For Colts fans who are still holding out hope, the commedia dell’arte troupe known as the Kansas City Chiefs are coming to town next Sunday. Unfortunately for Colts fans who are still holding out hope, the next three games after that are roadies at Cincinnati, New Orleans and Tennessee before coming home to the Falcons. Best case? 2-7-0.
Belichick’s Brain
I think I’ve figured it out. The Patriots defense is giving up all those yards on purpose. By the time the playoffs roll around, opposing offenses will be exhausted.
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