Losing or Not

Losing is terrible. Everything that’s good about winning is nowhere to be found in losing. Losing is depressing. It sucks. It hurts like a kick in the balls. Okay, it doesn’t hurt that badly (having experienced both I feel safe in making this judgment) but it’s close. So, why do I feel so good today?

This Week's Game

On the one hand, it counts just as much as the Week 8 Bears game. It counts the same as any other game. Well, out of conference games are pretty low down the list of games with playoff implications. I suppose there must be some advanced analytics that could be applied here. Intuitively, I know that division games are always the most important games on the schedule. Those games carry huge playoff implications. Aren’t they actually worth more than 1.0 games in the standings because of tiebreakers? 1.05? 1.1? Can someone with math skills help me out here?

Pigskin Thanks

'Tis the season for thankfulness and like most citizens of Patriots Nation, I've got a lot to be thankful for.

As for the rest of the NFL, well, thanks for the schadenfreude, I guess.

We've reached that point in the season where we have a pretty good idea of which teams will be in the playoffs and a very good idea of which teams will not. Yes, yes; still a lot of football to play. As those of us in New England (and Green Bay) await a legit Super Bowl preview this Sunday, fans in New York, Washington, Tennessee, Jacksonville, Oakland and the NFC South can only hope to drown their pigskin sorrows in gravy on Thanksgiving. As delicious as that may sound I recommend vodka for drowning sorrow. Not on the mashed potatoes and stuffing, of course. On the side with a twist of lime.

Conservation of Momentum

So, Dominic Raiola decided to teach us all a lesson about sportsmanship by doing something unsportsmanlike.

I get it. You just got your ass kicked. It wasn't supposed to be like this. The defense was going to dominate and the offense was going to keep it simple and put some points on the board. It was going to be a signature win.

It didn't happen.

You’re hurt. Angry. You're (literally) lashing out.

I think someone needs a hug.

Are We There Yet?

I’m really not comfortable with all this positivity. It just makes me think something bad is going to happen. Won’t anyone pick against the Patriots this weekend? What? Adam Schefter is picking the Lions to win? Yes!

Wait—What?

Schefter’s taking the Lions? Is he serious?

Chameleons

I would like to know what it was Sergio Brown said or did to Rob Gronkowski because I never want to say or do that. You know, just in case Rob Gronkowski is standing right behind me and I didn't notice.

Gronk blocking Sergio Brown into a camera stanchion was such a quintessential football moment. It’s too bad the camera was set up there. I think Gronk might've taken Brown all the way up the tunnel if the camera stanchion hadn't stopped him. If you've ever played the game at any level I think you've seen one player absolutely destroy another in a blocking drill. There’s usually some context to these moments. Maybe the coaches are out of control, barking incomprehensibly, spit flying everywhere, it's hot, it's the second of two-a-days, you’re on your second or third time through the drill (you've lost count) and any semblance of humanity has been lost. You've been reduced to your primeval essence. You want to kill and eat the kid across from you. Sometimes the kid who gets rolled has it coming, sometimes it's just the luck of the draw with the fourth-string running back lining up against the starting right tackle. Either way, it's hilarious.

Opus 382

I don’t know what bothers me more; the haters or the bandwagon jumpers.

The haters are annoying but ultimately pathetic and certainly doomed if it’s true that whatever you put out into the universe comes back to you tenfold. That’s a hate-filled Twinkie thirty-five feet long, weighing 600 pounds. It is, as they say, a pretty big Twinkie.

The bandwagon jumpers are also annoying. And unctuous. Whenever I’m around bandwagon jumpers I find myself checking my pocket for my wallet every few minutes and I don’t even care if they’re offering to buy me a drink, which is, of course, the very least they could do.

Hello?

Thirsty man, here!