Confused By Love

t's been a bit unnerving.

Discombobulating?

Disconcerting, certainly.

All of a sudden, it seems, everyone loves Tom Brady, and Bill Belichick. I shouldn't say "everyone." I'm not counting the trolls who lurk in the comments sections of Internet. I haven't gone there in a while - really, what's the point? - but I suspect the haters still bathe in the tired repetition of decades old crimes and misdemeanors committed by the Patriots.

It's the national pigskin pundits and bobbleheads I'm talking about.

Suddenly it seems...

Belichick is the greatest coach the game has ever seen, a genius at roster building, game planning, and a fearless field general on the sidelines. His curmudgeonly disdain for the media-related rituals of his chosen profession have been re-framed as an eccentric, zero fucks given, I know I'm smarter than you stand up comedy routine. Rob Gronkowski retires, Belichick passes on picking a single tight end in the draft and pigskin pundits and bobbleheads give him a grade of… A? Not the usual C- Belichick's drafts usually receive? Wait… What?

Tom is the GOAT. It's now stated as simple fact without so much as a glance in the rear view at Manning, Montana, Elway, or Marino. He just got a standing, cheering ovation on the Kimmel show. In Los Angeles. Even accounting for the casual fandom of Los Angelinos, let's not forget Brady and the Patriots just ruined the Rams in SB53. And they love him for it! Maybe the Rams lost the Super Bowl but at least they lost to Brady! Brady sells more jerseys than any other NFL player even though by now you'd think anyone who wanted a #12 jersey would have one; they've had 20 years to make the purchase, after all. Brady is spotted throwing passes to the kids at UCLA and everyone goes gooey fanboy. OMG, Becky! Tom is so awesome!

Even as the end of the Patriots Dynasty seems to be drawing nearer - the annual departure of players at key positions, the loss of what, half the coaching staff? And yes, Tom Brady is too fucking old - Rich Eisen is warning the NFL not to sleep on New England.

Those of us east of the Connecticut River have wondered for years why the accomplishments of the Patriots of Bill and Tom have been criticized, dismissed, and investigated. Credit where credit is due? Hardly. No, the Patriots are soulless machines, arrogant, fun-hating cheaters, Brady is a system quarterback, the AFC East sucks, Pete Carroll should've given the ball to Marshawn Lynch, the Falcons choked, Pat Mahomes should've had a chance to touch the ball in OT, and you know the Pats could just as easily be 0-9 in the Super Bowl (or 1-8 or any other permutation that falls short of 6-3), am I right?

Did I mention they're cheaters?

Now, it seems, all is forgiven and conveniently forgotten.

I know I should be glad that everyone has finally come to their sense but… It's… weird.

It's like the prettiest girl in school has just asked me to the prom, despite the fact I'm a walking ad for Proactiv, wear Buddy Holly glasses, I'm a band nerd and she doesn't even know my name. I should be happy. So why am I thinking about that scene from "Carrie?" Yes, I'll be asking my little sister to help me out with some dance moves and dreaming the DJ will play a slow jam that provides an opportunity for actual physical contact with my prettiest girl in the school date but... Once I'm in the gym you can be sure I'll know where the nearest exit is at all times.

My only hope at this point is another 2-2-0 September start for New England in 2019. And fast starts by Kansas City, Indianapolis, and (am I really saying this?) Cleveland would help, too. That would help get things back to normal.

I'm counting on you, Max Kellerman.

And you Rob Parker.

I just know you've got buckets of pig's blood in the rafters ready to go.

Don't let me down.