Gronk is healthy. Tommy is pissed. The defense is playing rope-a-dope with opposing offenses like Ali in his prime. This Saturday night they'll be playing a team that has no business being there.
That's what has me worried.
Once upon a time, that team that had no business being there was the New England Patriots.
There's no reason not to take the Patriots to cover in this game. 13.5 points? Surely, it won't even be that close. If they win by 20, pigskin pundits and bobbleheads will shrug and wonder what New England will do when they face a real football team. (And don't call me Shirley.) It isn't just 2001 and SB36 that has my inner child clutching his little blue blankie and sucking his thumb. It's losing a game just like this one to the New York Jets in 2010. It's 18-1. It's the fact the Titans have literally nothing to lose; they've got that "nobody believed in us" card up one sleeve and the "why not us" card up the other, with the irrational confidence imparted by a win on the road against the Chiefs coursing through their veins like some gypsy mage's elixir.
It doesn't help having to deal with the rest of the pigskin universe spending the last week writing "Tom Brady and the Deathly Hallows."
Well, maybe I need to remember what the great philosopher John Blutarsky once said…
Here's what's going to happen Saturday night…
Tom Brady Puts Jimmy GQ in the Rear View for at Least for One Night...
I'd like to personally thank every pigskin pundit and bobblehead who mentioned Alex Guerrero or what a selfish prima donna asshole Tom has become, debunked the TB12 Method, made a reference to cheating, spent every minute after the Carson Wentz injury trying to talk themselves into Todd Gurley for MVP, or mentioned Jimmy Garoppolo. I mean Jesus GQ.
Thomas Edward Patrick Brady, Jr. will be wearing his angry eyes Saturday night.
Brady will remind everyone who the GOAT is.
And next year? Who doesn't want Brady vs. Garoppolo in the Super Bowl? Everyone, am I right? Can you even imagine? It would be the highest rated TV show in the history of TV shows! It would probably kill me. Hm. The wife knows CPR...
Matt Patricia Proves to the Detroit Lions He's Worth Waiting For...
Shutout.
Rob Gronkowski Makes Every Voter Who Put His Name on the MVP Ballot Feel Good About It...
Gronk makes up for missing last year's playoff run to the Super Bowl with a dominant game, even by his Bunyanesque standards. Three signature spikes and a pair of crushing blocks that spring Dion Lewis and Brandin Cooks for TDs, followed by some sideline white boy dancing that has the Internet blowing up with old Vanilla Ice videos with Gronk's face in place of Ice's.
Brady and Gronkowski together, healthy in the playoffs is a football fan's dream (step away from your hate, haters and admit it). Think of it. GOAT to GOAT. Two of the best at their position, playing together; how often has that happened? This is historical shit at play, people!
Dion Lewis Makes Bank...
I'd set the over/under on all purpose yards (rushing, receiving, returning) for Lewis at 250 and I'd bet the over without a moment's hesitation. I'd probably bet the over at 275 but I'd take a moment to think about it. Dion Lewis is going into free agency with leverage, with sway.
Lewis is so much fun to watch. My favorite moments are when he seems to disappear in the scrum of offensive and defensive lineman only to appear as if teleported into the second level of the defense, breaking a linebacker's ankles. I'm going to miss him if he leaves.
If he leaves? Hello! Money!
I can only hope it's with a ring.
James Harrison Plays Like He's Been Eating Avocado Ice Cream with Tom Brady
Harrison can only wreak his righteous and furious vengeance upon the Pittsburgh Steelers if the Patriots win Saturday night.
He will leave nothing to chance.
If offered a prop bet that Matt Cassel will have more passing yards than Marcus Mariota, take it. I'm not sure Mariota makes it out of the first quarter alive. By the third or fourth replay, you'll start to feel a little sick but you don't turn away for the fifth or the sixth. You'll hate yourself just a little bit as you realize, God, this is why you love this game.*
But then Mariota pops up and jogs to the sideline as Matt Cassel is finishing up a frantic set of warm-up throws!
Nobody wants to see anybody get hurt.
But I did tell you Cassel would have more passing yards than Mariota, didn't I?
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