I remember Steve Grogan and the lovable losers I rooted for back in the day. I remember the plucky underdogs that had no right being in the Super Bowl, let alone taking down the Greatest Show on Turf. Today, I feel more like Gene Wilder in "Young Frankenstein" insisting this is a good boy while the mob gathers at the front gate, pitchforks sharpened, torches ablaze shouting "Kill the monster! Kill the monster!"
It is what it is.
New England - The Patriots biggest problem? Hoping left guard Joe Thuney makes the second-year leap.Or maybe it's depth at linebacker. Or how to find room for five running backs on the roster. The Madden Curse?
Miami - Clearly the second best team in the AFC East, which sounds good, if you're looking up at the best team in the AFC East. If you're looking down, on the other hand, you realize maybe you haven't set the bar that high.
Buffalo - Rebuilding. Again.
New York (J) - Because Christian Hackenberg is even a consideration.
AFC North
Pittsburgh - Going just as far as Ben Roethlisberger, Le'Veon Bell and Antonio Brown can take them: A divisional round blowout loss to the Patriots.
Baltimore - Joe Flacco feels more and more like Trent Dilfer, doesn't he?
Cincinnati - 7-9-0. It practically writes itself.
Cleveland - Repeat after me Browns fans: Jimmy Garoppolo probably wouldn't have made a difference. Jimmy Garoppolo probably wouldn't have made a difference. Jimmy Garoppolo probably wouldn't have made a difference.
AFC South
Tennessee - Assuming Marcus Mariota's leg is mended.
Houston - Tom Savage has a great name… for the alter ego of a DC Comics super hero. Unfortunately, his super powers do not include throwing a football for distance or accuracy.
Indianapolis - Here's the thing: It really shouldn't be that hard to win the AFC South.
Jacksonville - The definition of insanity is Blake Bortles, over and over again, expecting a different result.
AFC West
Oakland - Assuming Derek Carr's leg is mended.
Kansas City - An undeniably above-average football team. Enjoy the regular season, Chiefs' fans!
Denver - The quarterback controversy in Denver isn't between Trevor Siemian and Paxton Lynch, it is Trevor Siemian and Paxton Lynch. I'm going to set the over/under on Aqib Talib shooting Trevor Siemian (accidentally, of course) at Week 6.
Los Angeles (C) - Is Philip Rivers the second-best quarterback to never win a Super Bowl?
NFC East
Dallas - With that offensive line, I just don't see a sophomore slump for Dak Prescott and Zeke Elliot. The Cowboys have to hope "defense wins championships" is just something a coach who didn't have an elite quarterback said.
New York (G) - I know it's painful but somebody has to shove that horseshoe back up Eli's ass.
Philadelphia - Was LeGarrette Blount the missing piece? If so, it took Philadelphia long enough to figure it out.
Washington - Kirk Cousins is the best QB in the division and you still haven't signed him to a long-term deal?
NFC North
Green Bay - I guess now we'll find out if Olivia Munn really was holding Aaron Rodgers back.
Detroit - Is Matthew Stafford the third best quarterback never to win a Super Bowl?
Minnesota - Sam Bradford in his second year in the Vikings offense. That should be a good thing, right?
Chicago - It's hard to believe the team that signed Mike Glennon then gave up multiple draft picks to take Mitch Trubisky actually has a plan.
NFC South
Tampa Bay - Trending.
Atlanta - I think the Falcons have successfully talked themselves into SB 51 never having happened. Or that it did and they've learned from it.
New Orleans - Never doubt Drew Brees. But the rest of the roster? Yes, I have doubts.
Carolina - More yogurt, damn it!
NFC West
Seattle - Controversy, shmontroversy. The Seahawks have the most talented roster and the best QB in the division. Sometimes that's all that matters.
Arizona - Everyone gets that 2015 was an aberration and not the "new normal" for Carson Palmer after he regressed decidedly to the mean in 2016, right? I mean, including the Cardinals' front office? Yes?
San Francisco - One spectacular failure, one inexplicable series of play calls, the biggest collapse in Super Bowl history… That didn't rub all the genius off Kyle Shanahan, did it?
Los Angeles (R) - Does the NFL actually want to succeed in Los Angeles?
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