We Are Groot

Guardians of the Galaxy is everything you’ve heard it is. It’s action packed, funny and it’s full of sci-fi clichés that were thrown into a blender and served up on the rocks with a skewer of fruit and a paper umbrella. So delicious.

It’s also something more. Like any good sci-fi story set in the future – really, an alternate universe – it’s subversively and incisively about the here and now.

[Yeah, spoilers after jump. Why haven’t you seen this movie yet?]

Do We Know Anything Yet?

Still gnawing on the ankle of that first preseason game because there isn’t anything else in the fridge.

QB of the Indefinable Future

The biggest takeaway from Jimmy Garoppolo’s professional debut wasn’t the stat line. His numbers were certainly impressive but in case you haven’t heard a million times already, he was playing against scrubs. No, the most noteworthy aspect of Garoppolo’s performance was that the moment didn’t look too big for him. Unlike Ryan Mallett, Garoppolo looked like he was born for this.

Tyming is Everything

It isn’t often that a four-game suspension is a good thing but it just might be the case for Brian Tyms. The young wide receiver will need to continue putting on the kind of performance we saw Thursday night in Washington (5 catches, 119 yards and a TD). That won’t be easy. Getting opportunities will be a challenge as the starters get their reps in the upcoming games. As I understand this (from what I’ve read about Brandon Browner’s four-game stint in the pigskin pokey), Tyms would not count against the Patriots final 53 for the first four weeks of the season. That’s four weeks to wait and see what happens with New England’s somewhat fragile wide receiver corps; Julian Edelman, Danny Amendola and Aaron Dobson all have injury histories. Edelman played all sixteen for the first time in his career in 2013. Amendola is the pigskin spokesperson for the Affordable Care Act. Dobson broke his foot part way through his rookie season and has yet to put on pads in 2014. On top of that, the jury is still out on maddeningly inconsistent Kenbrell Thompkins and Josh Boyce, who may have just a little too much Joey Galloway in him.

Sometimes players just click. It will be interesting to see if Tyms can continue to be Jimmy Garoppolo’s binky.

Tyms is a great story but there are a million great stories in the NFL preseason. Maybe we just saw the greatest game of Brian Tyms professional life last Thursday night. Maybe we saw something else. I’ll be pulling for him. I love a redemption story.

If the Patriots are Showcasing Ryan Mallett, They’re Doing it Wrong

Tom Brady makes the short to intermediate passing game look deceptively easy. He’s pretty good on screen passes, too. Ryan Mallett is not good with the short to intermediate passing game. If New England hopes to move Ryan Mallett for even a fourth round pick, they need to tear those pages out of the playbook for Mallett. When he throws a pass it should travel at least twenty yards in the air. He’s actually pretty good with the deep ball. Go deep. That's it. That's all.

What’s painfully clear at this point is that Ryan Mallett is a square peg. He is the wrong quarterback for Julian Edelman, the wrong quarterback for Danny Amendola and the wrong quarterback for Josh McDaniels’ offense.

If Belichick and McDaniels are going to convince some other team that Mallett is the right quarterback for them, they need to let Mallett be Mallett.

Jimmying to Conclusions

I don’t know what Mike Mayock saw the other day but whatever the opposite of “popping” is, Mallett is doing it right now before my very eyes. Ryan Mallett isn’t justifying his backup role for the Patriots let alone laying the groundwork for a starting gig with another team. I can’t help wondering. Is Garoppolo really that bad? Maybe he’s a bad practice/good game kind of guy? No?

I wrote that during halftime of the Patriots preseason game in Washington.

This is going to be a bad week to be Ryan Mallett.

If You Can't Beat 'Em, Cheat 'Em

Apparently it’s true. Cheaters never win. Or they do until they get caught.