Shrodinger's Football

 The NFL. 

It's just like us. 

We've got guns. We get shot by guns. Uncle Carl is gay. That guy who got the job we wanted? Yeah. That guy. "Motherf--ker."

We've reached the Schrodinger's Cat phase of the NFL off-season.

Aaron Rodgers is in a box. When you open the box, will he be wearing a Packers jersey or a Broncos jersey?

I have to go with the Packers jersey and not just because he just renewed his Green Bay Country Club membership. Like anybody in a relationship, Rodgers doesn't want to be taken for granted. He wants to be loved and he doesn't just want to be told he's loved; he wants to be shown he's loved. (Maybe that's what confused Green Bay's management and led to them trade up to draft Jordan Love? Apologies; that's a tortured, parenthetical digression, even for me.) If he were to force his way out of Green Bay he'd risk the perception that he's a selfish, spoiled brat who's only in it for himself and turned his back on the very people who loved and supported him all those years. Now, in real life, I think most of us take the Denver gig, make some new friends, let the public know there's no hard feelings and you're grateful for everything that happened, the good times and the bad, all while telling those new friends in private how much you hate that bitch. So, I guess I'm saying... there's a chance.

Deshaun Watson is in a box. When you open the box, will he be wearing a Raiders jersey or an orange jumpsuit?

If we needed proof that these aren't your daddy's Raiders it's the fact that Watson isn't already rocking the silver and black. Watson may be a horrible person but that was never a deal-breaker for the Raiders I remember. Is there a better buy low opportunity on the QB market? So far, no video has surfaced, so the chances the NFL hands down a stiff penalty is low and regardless, you're taking a one-time hit for a 25-year old QB who put up a 4,823/33/7 slash line for a legitimately terrible, horrible, no good, very bad Houston Texans team in 2020. (Seriously, Jon Gruden? You thought this Raiders roster has a Super Bowl run in it? Even an 8-game suspension for Watson would be insignificant to the bottom line for 2021.) As for the US legal system, there's just about a 1% chance Watson would ever have to set foot in a courtroom for rape. (No, I'm not saying that's a good thing. Well, unless you're Deshaun Watson, of course.) Jon Gruden ditches Derek Carr and Deshaun Watson moves to Vegas, a city not exactly famous for its respectful treatment of women. How has this not happened already? 

The New England Patriots are in a box. When you open the box, will it be Cam Newton or Mac Jones starting at Quarterback?

My neurotic, nerdy inner child is telling me that starting Cam Newton at QB for the New England Patriots is the definition of insanity; my neurotic, nerdy grown up self argues that things are not quite the same in 2021 so expecting a different outcome isn't really all that crazy. Okay, a little crazy. Maybe. Unlike Schrodinger's Cat, this is really a win-win for Patriots fans. (Maybe even a win-win-win with Jarrett Stidham also in the box.) Newton will start as long as New England is winning football games. If Jones is starting, well, cue up the rationalizations; it will be good for his development and a playoff run in 2022. Hey, Peyton Manning threw 28 interceptions in his rookie year. I do expect to remind myself of that stat more than a few times if Jones winds up the starter in 2021. I'll set the over/under at 16. 

By the way, has anybody seen my cat?