So, your girl dumps you. For George Clooney. Does that make it feel any better? I mean, he is George Clooney.
Peyton Manning’s arrival in Denver is like an earthquake that registered a 3.5 on seismographs and damaged homes and businesses in San Francisco, Tennessee and Miami. (I was going to go for a joke about a three-way here but I just couldn’t make the math work.) Broncos’ fans will be folding up their Tebow jerseys while talking themselves into a 36-year old quarterback with a surgically repaired neck leading their pigskin heroes to the Super Bowl. Haters will be pushing Manning’s outdoor/cold weather stats. Evangelicals wait pensively for the trade everyone assumes the Broncos will make, sending the Mile High Messiah to altitudes closer to sea level. Jacksonville Jesus anyone?
So many implications, so little time…
The Broncos won the AFC West at 8-8-0 in 2011. With Manning at QB in 2012 we’re all penciling Denver in as back-to-back champs, aren’t we? The AFC West isn’t a walkover (if the Chiefs get healthy, if the Chargers have resolved their daddy issues, if the Raiders can put Carson Palmer in a sensory deprivation chamber and convince him it’s 2005) but assuming Manning is 100% by opening day Denver fans will be holding “Tim Who?” signs and wearing 18 jerseys while they party in the stands of Sports Authority Field like it’s 1999.
Yes, Peyton Manning could also suffer a season-ending injury but this hardly sets him apart from other NFL players.
Rumors have Tebow being traded once the ink is dry on Manning’s contract. The Broncos would need to sign a backup QB (Curtis Painter is available) but given the assumption the Broncos would like to make a clean break, let’s say they put Tebow up for bid. Who makes an offer? Everyone in the league knows they want to get rid of him and more importantly, nobody in the league seems to want him. Rework your offense for a run-first quarterback? I know a silent movie just won the Oscar for Best Picture but this is the 21st Century, right? Who will be crazy enough to offer even a 4th round pick?
Okay, since I really don’t care if Miami or Minnesota or Jacksonville ever figure this “football thing” out, let’s run the New England scenario.
Paul Hornung played QB for Notre Dame in the 50s and was perhaps one of the greatest two-way players ever at the college level, won the Heisman Trophy (the only time a player from a losing team has been voted the Heisman) and then went on to star as a halfback and kicker for the Green Bay Packers of Lombardi and Starr. He’s a southpaw.
His Elvis Year…
In 1960, he scored 15 touchdowns, connected on 15 of 28 FGA and 41 of 41 XPA. He also threw two TD passes. That’s 188 points for those of you with calculators. In 12 games. Projecting to a 16-game schedule: 251 points. (Yes, nerds. I rounded up. 250.6667) For reference, David Akers, who had a monster year for the 49ers in 2011, led the league with 166 points. Top scorer non-kicker division went to LeSean McCoy who chalked up 20 touchdowns – 120 points – for the Eagles.
Connecting the Dots…
So, fabled college football players, freak athletes, Heisman Trophy winners, left-handed. Cogito Ergo Sum, n’est-ce pas?
Okay, in many ways, Hornung and Tebow are polar opposites; sybarite and acolyte. (I’m rhyming! Wheeee!) Not to mention the small and arbitrary data sample. And I’m not predicting Tebow would score 251 points. Just roll with me, okay?
Imagine for just a moment what Bill Belichick and Josh McDaniels might do with Tim Tebow.
I know Tebow wants to play QB but Jesus should tell him that this should happen.
Brady in the shotgun flanked by Tebow on his left and Hernandez on his left. Lloyd wide right, Welker in the slot. It’s a direct snap to Tebow, Brady faking a snap over his head. Tebow runs to his left. He stops. He throws back to Brady. It's a lateral! Brady’s going deep to Lloyd on the skinny post!
Yeah. That could happen.
But no, I wouldn’t give up more than a 4th round pick.
Go figure.
Dolphins have been beaching themselves by the 100s in an attempt to force the NFL to take their names off the Miami franchise…
According to a dolphin spokesman, “Skreeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-kawp!”
So, Miami doesn’t even get a second date with Peyton Manning, loses out on Matt Flynn and it seems likely Alex Smith will reconcile with the 49ers, doesn’t it? Jim Harbaugh will say it was no disrespect to Alex Smith to take a look at an all-time great first ballot Hall-of-Famer like Peyton Manning and quietly put another $2-3m on the table; Smith will tell himself, “Hey, whatever, it was George Clooney!” and pocket the cash.
Will Miami start the 2012 season with the QB they told their fans twice this off season that they would like to replace with (a) a 36-year old coming off 4 neck surgeries or (b) an unproven backup with two starts on his NFL curriculum vitae?
And they wonder why they aren’t selling tickets in Miami.
The Tennessee Waltz
Matt Hasselbeck would’ve found a job somewhere and Jake Locker was probably looking forward to breaking down film with Manning so it doesn’t look like there’s much damage to repair here. The Titans are certainly no worse off than they were before their flirtation with Manning.
In Other News
I like the recent signing of TE Daniel Fells for the Patriots. They’re going to need Nate Solder at tackle. I hope G/T Robert Gallery has some gas left in the tank. I’m hoping he’s rejuvenated by the opportunity to work with Dante Scarnecchia. I’m conflicted on the Dante Stallworth signing.
Song for the Dumped
For everyone who’s thinking, “Hey, it was George Clooney.”
The combo of outdoor and altitude will make Peyton's head fall off even faster than it would have at a nice sea level dome. We're all agreed that his head is going to fall off, right?
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