Too soon? Maybe not. As bad as the odds to make the playoffs were for 0-2-0 teams the numbers are positively grim if you fall to 0-3-0. The difference between 2-1-0 and 1-2-0? In one case, you’ve got something to build on. In the other, you have to remind everyone – especially yourself – that this is a long season, a marathon and not a sprint, plenty of time to turn things around… Yeah, right. As the kids say, destiny is not easy to run from…
Losers, baby…
The Chiefs are like a train wreck you see coming that you decide to record and post on your Facebook page. Yes, they’ve suffered injuries but this is the NFL. I’m told that happens. Okay, I should cut KC some slack off; it is their three best players, after all. Watching a little bit of the Lions game I thought Matt Cassel was simply throwing the football as hard as he could in an attempt to kill his own receivers. He was really winding up and putting a little hop on the ball. At one point he seemed to be yelling at a receiver who wouldn’t stand in one place long enough for Cassel to stick a football in his earhole. I’m waiting for Head Coach Todd Haley to pull out a gun, empty the clip into whatever players are close at hand and then turn the gun on himself. Oops! No bullets left! Yeah. It’s going to be like that for Chiefs fans in 2011. Put the Chiefs down as a surprise entrant into the Andrew Luck derby.
My theory? Extraterrestrials abducted Chad Henne and substituted a simulacrum QB that played against the Patriots then returned the real Chad Henne to play the following week against the Texans. I really haven’t got a better theory that fits the facts. I still think the Dolphins win enough games to draft the third best QB in the draft next year.
The Colts had to win that game last Sunday against the Browns, didn’t they? They were at home and, you know, the Browns, right? The Colts look so bad it’s easy enough to imagine they might be 0-2-0 with Peyton Manning. How did that happen, exactly? At this point, there’s only one game left on their schedule that could prove to be trouble; Week 5 against the Chiefs. They might just win that one and blow their chance to draft Andrew Luck and trade Peyton Manning to the Seattle Seahawks. (Yeah, that’s how this one ends.) Oh, and all you people who’ve been saying how sad it is that we won’t see Peyton Manning play this season and little children are crying and it’s a loss for football fans everywhere? Suck it.
One of my early favorites for the #1 Pick in the 2012 NFL Draft was the Seattle Seahawks and so far they have not let me down. They dump Face of the Franchise QB Matt Hasselbeck and replace him with Tavaris Jackson, who – I guess – is better than Charlie Whitehurst. I suppose that’s the very definition of damning by faint praise. It must’ve been fun for Seahawks fans watching highlights of Matt Hasselbeck leading the Titans to a big win over the Ravens with a 30-42-348 line and a TD while their Seahawks were being shut out by the Steelers, the team the Ravens beat (ergo, Hasselbeck > Flacco > Roethlisberger > Jackson). So fun!
The Vikings got rid of Tavaris Jackson and replaced him with Donovan McNabb. This was going to be the year McNabb would redeem himself and erase the memories of his lost pigskin weekend in Washington. Apparently the studio ordered a rewrite. In this version the Shanahans are more nuanced, shaded in their motivation. Are they bad guys? Are they good guys? Are they anti-heroes? Is the Anti-Hero a sub-category of Good Guy or Bad Guy? Or both? Anyway, in this version of the script McNabb is a supernumerary; an aging athlete who has lost a step.
It wasn’t supposed to go like this for the St. Louis Rams. Oh, wait. It probably was. The Rams are still a year and a playmaker away from getting back into the playoff mix. I know, I know. The NFC West. It looks so easy. Unfortunately, there are all those non-NFC West teams on the schedule, too.
The Panthers have got to be the happiest 0-2-0 team in recent history. Cam Newton has yet to throw for less than 400 yards. Okay, small data sample. Still, Carolina fans have a reason to buy season tickets again. Carolina looks to be a favorite at home against the Jaguars who played last week like their wives were kidnapped and held hostage by Russian mobsters who wanted very much for the Jets to cover.
Songs for Losers
· I Can’t Stand Up – I’m a man who’s been hurt a little too much…
· Song for the Dumped – Give me back my black t-shirt!
· Sundown – I feel like I’m winnin’ when I’m losin’ again…
· Stone in Love – Doesn’t really have anything to do with losing; it’s my favorite Journey song that hasn’t been done on Glee).
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