The Constant

I was mentally prepared for the post-Favre era but an opening weekend without Peyton Manning?  I’m not sure I’m ready for that jelly.

The reports coming out of Indianapolis are mixed, of course.  Peyton Manning may miss Week 1, he may need another surgery or not, he may need a neck transplant, his career might be over or maybe he will start against the Texans on Sunday.  Okay, no.  Not this Sunday.  Maybe O-for-September.  Who knows?  Seriously, nobody seems to know.

Connecting a Few Dots

The Colts are starting a rookie, Anthony Castonzo, at left tackle.  Castonzo was highly rated coming out of Boston College and is likely to be an excellent pro but he is a rookie who didn’t have the benefits of the usual off-season preparation.  He and the rebuilt Colts’ O-Line will be facing Wade Phillips shiny new 3-4 defense with equally anticipated rookie defensive end J.J. Watt joining stalwarts Mario Williams, DeMeco Ryans and gamma-radiated Brian Cushing.  Using advanced predictive analytics, TSCIF’s crack statistical team gives a Colts QB taking a shot between the shoulder blades a 0.8 probability this Sunday.

I’m setting the over/under on grounding penalties for Kerry Collins this week at 2.5 and I’m taking the over.

The Once and Future King

Despite all recent reports to the contrary, the Washington Maroons have elected to start Rex Grossman at QB in their Week 1 tilt against division rivals, the Gotham Giants.  How this can possibly make a difference is beyond me. 

I never really understood the Shanahan’s infatuation with John Beck.  I’ve never understood anyone’s infatuation with John Beck.  Seriously, his career long pass completion is 22 yards.  Oh, yeah; and that was four years ago.

Of course, I didn’t understand the affair with Donovan McNabb and I only understand Rex Grossman as the last entrée on the menu. 

Trying to imagine my team with Rex Grossman and John Beck battling for the starting QB gig I could only imagine that Yahweh and Beelzebub had struck some cruel cosmic bargain at the expense of my pigskin village.  It’s like a plague of locusts that look just like Rex Grossman (not a stretch) are eating the thatch rooftops of our quaint, rustic cottages.  Only instead of starving to death I eat nachos and drink fermented ales as I watch my pigskin dreams on a 54” HDTV as they burst into blue-white flames and then torn to fiery shreds by that alien hunter from the Predator movie series.  Dude is sick.

I Must Be Missing Something

So, I’ve spent the last fifteen minutes wondering which team has the most inexplicable quarterback situation, Washington or Seattle.  I’ve got to go with the Seahawks.  They’ve decided Tavaris Jackson is their starting QB.  Granted, the alternative was the man known as “Clipboard Jesus,” Charlie Whitehurst.  Still, like Rex Grossman in Washington, Whitehurst actually had better stats in the preseason.  Unlike Grossman, Whitehurst never had a chance for the starter’s reps in Seattle.

Just like the situation in Washington, though, I’m not really sure it makes a difference.

Headphones On

Cheer me up, already.