Donald Trump, Mike Pompeo, and Rudy Giuliani

Donald Trump, Mike Pompeo, and Rudy Giuliani walk into a bar.

No they didn't!

Okay, they did.

"I walk into a lot of bars," Trump said, "People walk into bars, you know? I mean, I hardly know these guys."

"You mean your Secretary of State and your personal lawyer?" the bartender asked.

"Is that who they are?" Trump asked.

"Lots of people say so," the bartender said. "Lots of people."

"Is this true?" Trump asked Pompeo and Rudy.

"I'll be whatever you want me to be, Mr. President," said Pompeo. "Secretary of State. The Masked Singer. Chief of the Amity Police Department. Batman."

"You'll always have plausible deniability with me in my representation of you as a private citizen, specifically but not limited to the performance of any and all legally ambiguous actions you may or may not have asked me to undertake as your personal attorney," Rudy said. "In other words, I'll just blame Mike, here. Kidding, Mike! Kidding!"

"I made myself a promise never to hit a woman - my preference is to swear at them and then give them a pop quiz on world geography - but in your case, I might make an exception," Pompeo said.

"I have to say, I'm no psychologist but when you're a good to great lawyer, as I am, you learn to read people, and I have to say, I have to say, I think you may be talking about your own, shall we say, inadequacies, projecting them onto me," Rudy said.

"Are you guys going to order or what?" the bartender asked.

"We're not here," Trump said. "Okay, they're here but I'm not here. Whoever they are."

"Mike," Rudy said. "Where's the President? Weren't we supposed to meet him here?"

"No, Rudy," Pompeo answered. "We weren't meeting the president here."

"Many people say I'm not here. Or all there. Many people," Trump said.

"You do know we have security cameras here," the bartender said. "You know, for liability purposes."

"Mike! Rudy! Imagine my surprise seeing you here!" Trump said.

"We're here to root out corruption, Mr. President!" Rudy exclaimed.

"Hey!" the bartender said, gesturing at the framed certificate behind the bar. "I've got a clean bill of health here. No dirt, no vermin - present company excepted - and definitely no corruption."

"We have damning evidence which we can't source or make public that ties this bar to Joe and Hunter Biden," Pompeo said. "Damning. Evidence."

"Do you want to see a menu or no?" the bartender asked.

"Does who want to see a menu?" Rudy asked.

"We're not here," Pompeo said.

"Where are we?" Trump asked.

As Pompeo and Rudy guide Trump to the door, Rudy turns to the bartender and said with a wave of his hand, "We were never here."

Turning back then, Trump said, "But if we had been here, it would've been perfect."